My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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