So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
