You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
