Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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