Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
