if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
