When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
