you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
