What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do vagina's smell?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
