yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
