True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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