i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
