TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
