If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
