This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
