So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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