Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
