Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
