He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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