I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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