He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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