there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
