I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
