a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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