apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
