Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just threw up on my dentist
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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