I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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