i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
