So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
