Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
