I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize
