I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
