Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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