Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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