you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
