If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
