Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
