That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
