In the future we'll all be gay
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
