I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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