I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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