I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
