Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
