I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
