Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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