Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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