Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
