i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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