Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
