When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
