not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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