How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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