somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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