I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
