I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
