Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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