I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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